I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
