Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I forget how to act sober
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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