There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
