yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
