I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
