Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
