To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
