he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
