That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
