do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
