So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
