Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
