i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
