Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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