Got a toothbrush?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
