When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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