i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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