How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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