cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
