Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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