How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She's the barista slut.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
