i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
