I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
