Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
