Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
