"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
