He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
