Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
