Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
