My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
