i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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