he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
