I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
