I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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