why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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