she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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