i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
