I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
