Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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