This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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