Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
