she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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