A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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