if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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