I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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