You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
