he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
