sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
