I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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