I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
