Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
