sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
