i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
