she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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