i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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