i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
