I think i peed on brittanys purse
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
