Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
