i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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