Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
