Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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