ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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