Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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