fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
