His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
