My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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