How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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