So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
