butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
