Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
