She is in my trunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
