All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she was so not down for the gang bang
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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