she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
