she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
