so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize