She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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