sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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