he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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