He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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