I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
