i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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