using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What happened to fro yo and sex?
so much tequila, so little girl.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
