I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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