Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
