God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
