you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
