dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
