Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
